post BOS, philanthropic pursuits...

Anxiety, sleep deprivation, hesitancy...with BOS over, almost a month now, I am finally getting around to writing about it.  In hindsight, I am glad that I participated.  The positive feedback and practical strangers acknowledging and telling me that they like my work was nice reinforcement, makes me feel legitimate.  Everything leading up to it, and everything I managed to accomplish for it was all a step in the right direction.  Not only did it give me direction, but provided the motivation for me to create.  I only hope to perpetuate this momentum somehow.  Ironically enough,  even from the perspective of an anxious introvert, one of the biggest gains was talking to, and meeting all the wonderful and talented people.  I was in a room with 5 other immensely talented individuals.

Chris Sanders

Ed Vermehren

Jackie Shrzynski

Barbara Hanson

Amy C. Wilson

me

the space

I love supporting local art.  If only I had a larger disposable budget!  My acquisitions included the following,

Kathleen Andersen, glass terrarium pendant light

art by Margot Kingon

Kokma Toys by Amy C. Wilson

pillow by Barbara Hanson, anything with architecture and windows, need i say more!

limited edition AAARRRRRTT! shirts by Chris Sanders

Most importantly, it was the philanthropic efforts of a very special 4 year old, Leila, that stole my heart.

A humble suggestion and modest effort on my part, her delectable chocolate chip cookies, and the generous donations of the people filtering through that weekend, a very respectable total was raised for her cause.

Leila with her chocolate chip cookies, young lady with an enormous generous heart!

 My baking contributions

madeleines by David Lebovitz, sans glaze

It helped that we had a spread of treats contributed by the participating artists!

There are new adventures on the horizon!  Sometimes when you allow things to just happen, they turn out better than what you plan.  I do not consider myself a "spiritual" person.  If a roller coaster of emotions is the price to pay for a favorable outcome, then this is a small price.  It has to be an "energy" beyond myself, maybe it's an accumulation of my karmic energy rewarding me despite questioning how I could be so deserving.  Perhaps, understanding individuals with the power to grant me the time...mystical or not, or both, I am grateful.  A very wise friend shared with me today that everything works out as they should when we are not attached to the outcome!

breathing in the air

Confronted with a strong visceral, intense hostility, and aversion, the word that comes to mind is "hate".  I'm not proud to be harboring this emotion for anything, not only because it's not the core of who I am, but the intensity of this "dislike" is wasted on something not worthy of even an inkling of time.  I understand the rationale, but reacting only grants it credence.  There are encounters of which I cannot control, I hate that this "chance" was enabled by an individual of which I had "once" been afflicted with the opposite emotion.  Naturally, exposure develops desensitization.  Though I hope to never have this opportunity, my best response would be one of indifference.

Otherwise, my window is finished!

with hand fabricated chain, closure with its final incarnation

my window open

the hand drawn view

that little door knocker, works!

on display @ Hudson Beach Glass, BOS group show

Life is full of lessons.  When I can open my eyes and heart to it, windows open.  I've unlocked a door.  I can feel the fresh air and am "breathing" it in.  I'm not only saying and hoping, but actually believing that I will be okay again, maybe, even better than what I was!

starts with a decision

Everything emanates from a decision.  It was nice to feel the wind whipping as I ran, jogged, walked at a brisk pace, on the track again after many months of a sedentary lifestyle.  After numerous excuses, and as much as I'd didn't want to do it, I did make the decision, now the work begins with keeping it.  I don't know why I was foolish to expect anything less of myself than to reflect on what that track has been in the past.  The road may be very familiar and similar, but the journey won't be the same.

door & key, components in the making for a bigger piece

The key is in my hand, unless I make the decision to unlock the door and walk through, I may never know what's on the other side.  This seems like a bunch of cliches, but these trite sayings are truisms I can apply to myself.

a window opens

Eons ago, a semester was spent abroad in Siena, Italy.  For the drawing class, equipped with sketch pad and ink pen, a field trip was sometimes taken to the rolling hills of the Tuscan countryside, to just sit and draw, and soak in the landscape.  Numerous hours were spent at the campo, duomo, or one of the many alleyways, to sit, draw, people watch, and take in the astounding architecture packed in every square inch of the cityscape.

for sense of scale, right measures 3"x5.5"

4"x 3"; 1.5"x2"

bottom is 5.5"x3.5"

no bigger than 3"x4.5"

These small scale vignettes of it's culture and landscapes are some of my favorite souvenirs from that experience.  Though I lack "artistic ability" in certain ways, detailed drawings of architecture was something I had always intended to continue, but too many other things always had priority.  When I considered submitting something for The Big Draw,  I looked to my environment and started taking notice of the beautiful architecture that surrounds me.

Of course, these drawings didn't happen for me given the timing of events.  It was volunteering at this event, that I was lucky enough to acquire this painting by a local artist.

6"x12" of Homespun

Ed Vermehren, one of the participants of the live rally drawing.  I love his vibrant use of color in the depiction of this building, Homespun Foods, local eatery.  It is ironic that the very thing I fear, color, was one of the elements that drew me in.  I know nothing about color theory.  My humble little drawings are black and white.  And it is only recent, that color permeates my jewelry in the form of enamels.  I was staring at this painting on my wall, when something finally clicked and everything fell into place.  I now have an idea and concept, and hopefully to execute into a finished piece for the group show for BOS..  This quote has been festering for quite some time, with no clear idea of realizing it in a tangible way, "when one door closes, a window opens-  Alexander  G. Bell".  I can finally connect the dots, and incorporate my most recent intentions in a real and productive way.

Construct a window,

hinged on a box,

opens to the inside with a hand etched , scene on the back panel

...the possibilities are infinite, already have many ideas and options of expanding and developing this idea... I'm excited about the concept of the "inside", opening the window to look "outside" into the scene that is contained "in a box", metaphors abound! I've only initiated the process of this idea, and some of the photos are a rough mock-up, but I am excited to execute and see it to fruition.  Is it too indulgent to be this excited about my own idea?

gift(s) to self

It has been echoed my way on more than one occasion that "forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself".  I'd started reading Unconditional Forgiveness by Mary Hayes Grieco, this book echoes these sentiments and then more, concrete steps of which to achieve what I consider to be an "ideal".  Maybe I am not evolved yet to be "unconditional".  But, the willingness to broach the process of forgiveness, I am open to.  I'd learned that it is important for me to let go of the emotional hostility and the pain of the disappointed expectations.  One notion of which I like best is,  "give up the hope for a better past, to give ourselves the gift of a richer present".

Amongst the gifts from friends this week, one tangible gift of which I'd made for myself is this bangle of mixed metals (brass, copper, silver)

"for each twilight, a dawn- R. W. Emerson"

Emotional moments were evident the last couple of days, because of what yesterday and tomorrow means, meant, but it is up to me to decide what it will mean.  I have been wearing the bangle all week.  I recognize the truth and the sheer sanction of these words, a certainty in the literal sense, at the very least.  I am liking this style because it is accommodating for various wrist sizes, yet, it still closes.  Exploring options similar to this style are on the agenda, perhaps "gifts" for other people.

looking forward

To borrow the words of Steve Jobs, maybe I will someday be able to connect the dots looking backward.  Otherwise, where or how to start?  I'm not only at a "loss" in life, but in words.  How can I possibly articulate the summation of the past year, in particular, the latter part of the year, leading to the most recent account of events?  Ironically, same time this year, I find myself in a similar circumstance.  I'm not qualified to fully understand nor question why, or make sense of what is.  I know the decisions and behavior are  manisfestations of "distractions" in dealing with the deeper and "real issues".  I know what was and what is no longer.  This time, all the options are eliminated.  This is perhaps my biggest "gift".

As invasive and violating as it may be to discover your home burglarized, and to lose your most valuable possessions amassed over a dozen years of hard work, yet all these are material.  There are matters of which there is no price.

I have come full circle with my emotional and rational threshold.  It is up to me to come to terms with what I cannot control.  Yet, I still have a choice, the decision to move on, let go, and look forward to the "good" blocked by all the "bad" I was grasping onto.

I am not the most insightful, and mediocre at best, with words.  But, the vision of this endeavor remains, as neglected as it may seem.  The direction is not firm, but I hope for it to be inspiring and to remain positive.  This is perhaps my "milestone moment" of which awaits.  I am learning to set goals for myself, some of which are concrete and tangible though minute in scope.  I am learning to think of myself first, at least try to in most instances.  I will learn to discover joy and happiness within.  I am learning to embrace change.  I have learnt, it's time to move forward...

synopsis

I realized it has been more than three, four, five months,  since my last post.  It may not be an extended length of time depending on one's measure of it,  but long enough for me to feel like I've dropped off from this blogisphere forum.  The more time elapses, the more neglectful I feel, the more abandoned and harder it is to post again.  I feel overwhelmed catching up on this chasm in time, but feel inclined to create some chronological order. It has been packed with preparation, production, creating of stuff much to the neglect of everything else, exploring creative options, introspection... As to not disappoint the two people that actually read this, hopefully this condensed account satiates the curiosity to my ordinary life. 

July always seems like "working for the kids", nephew and nieces.  There are knitted toys and jewelry to be made for the birthdays.





Flapjack Frogs by Anna Hrachovec

enameled frog pendant

frogs for a "frog"



Bunny by Susan B. Anderson



the only mod is the crocheted tail





introduction to the new friend

inedible version of her favorite fruit

August now seems like a blur.  September was busy with creating jewelry, mostly for Beacon Open Studios.
The amazingly talented and accomplished Chris, graciously shared her space with me.  All of the beautiful paintings are hers.

one of my youngest fans



making a rare appearance with one of my youngest fans

 


the impressive "polar rug" in the making, just tape and her vision

Snapshots of the space.









glass leaves, and flowers, with enameled pieces



the glass "leaf" is lampwork, before my venture with enamel, which is nothing more than powdered glass







one of my favorite pieces from Jewelry 101, a dozen years ago,  that launched and influential of what i do today



another one of my favorite pieces, interchangeable "rattle"

 
 These are enameled panels that are wall plaques, a departure from my usual jewelry.





"hope is the thing with feathers- Emily Dickinson"
happily in a new home



wooden birdhouse, painted, with copper sheet and enameled feather

enameled frog mounted on wooden painted lily pad



 

"Where blossoms bloom, so does hope"- Lady Bird Johnson



this was the necklace in the group show at Hudson Beach Glass







The latter four silver pieces are now for sale at Riverwinds.

October was Rhinebeck Sheep and Wool, November was just life.... and this "stuff" for sale at The Coffee Shoppe

There is much personal and test knitting, but that deserves it's own post , and crafting of various sorts thrown in.   Still trying to work things through... In the meantime, this is the beautiful butterfly that I purchased from Chris.



Salamis temora



I don't know that my photo of it does the watercolor justice, but it has been finally framed.  I love all her bugs and botanicals, but I think this one "chose" me. 

If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies.  ~Author Unknown

Butterflies undergo multiple stages to achieve complete metamorphosis.  My mission is to remain hopeful, "molt" as does the caterpillar, before emerging as the person I'm supposed to be.