Thursday, November 25, 2010

why this, why now?

Rudyard Kipling said "words are the most powerful drug used by mankind".  As I confront one of the hardest emotional hurdles at this juncture in life, though I may not be a good writer, I find it a cathartic endeavor.  I can't numb or assuage the hurt and pain, there's no magic pill for this pervasive sadness.  My "drug" is to inject myself with a massive dose of hope and optimism by chronicling the crafts I partake in, those I've always said I would, haven't, but hopefully now will, and those I have yet to discover.  I'm not religious in any sense, but the Serenity Prayer, a dear friend's favorite, "accept the things i cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference";  I chant this to myself to get me through.  At the present moment, I can't see the beauty or real joy in any activity, but if "happiness" can be cultivated through practice and effort, I can affirm this fundamental Buddhist principle by nurturing the interests I find comfort in.  Crafting is therapeutic for me.  Since change is the only certainty in life, I know that only by changing my perspective will my myopic sense of the world reveal all its potential and possibilities.   I see this as a personal journey to heal my head and heart, and maybe along the way, inspire others.  The same friend, told me that life at its most basic and simplest should be full of awe and hope.   As I endure and trudge through the pain and heartache, I need to believe that "instead of crying because it is over, i need to smile because it happened"...

Knitting is my perpetual craft.  There's something gratifying and relaxing about utilizing pointy sticks, just string, and two basic stitches,countless hours, and numerous stitches later, be rewarded with a creation imbued with love.  My current WIP is Elijah by Ysolda Teague.
This is my second time making this because I love that you stuff and assemble as you go.  There are no pieces to seam or the daunting task of weaving in ends when the knitting is done.  The current status is a perfect metaphor for my emotional state.  A different dear friend, likened my state of being to losing a limb.  Stitch by stitch, Elijah will have all his limbs, not to mention very soon, as there's nothing like a deadline adjusted deadline as motivator.  Moment by moment, I will just have to get through, I don't know when, but I too, will be whole again.