le tour de france... to fleece?

Avid knitters, general fiber enthusiasts,  Ravelers,  know of the significance of le Tour de France as it relates to the Tour de Fleece.

As an ex-"friend" of an ex-roadie, France or Fleece has a whole new meaning this year.  A roadie, as defined by Jamie Smith in The Misunderstood World of a Bike Racer, is a cyclist who road races.  Upon reading this book, I have a new appreciation and understanding of the world of cycling, from the perspective of a spectator once associated with an ex-roadie.  I was a roadie groupie.  Not exactly France, but the Catskills, 2010.

I tuned in to the Tour de France as of last year, a nightly prime-time ritual as a new-found fan of the sport.  How it relates to Fleece this year?  I've owned my spinning wheel for some months, test ran and only slightly used.  I was hoping to be inspired by the actual tour to take it out for another spin.  This is the total cumulative effort of the yarn rope I've accomplished.

"rope" on the bobbin, along with the fiber

 There's plenty watching of the tour, but no fleece spinning yet, only some yarn knitting. 

The whole world of cycling was a foreign concept and never thought I would be watching and actually enjoy doing so.  I only learned to ride a bike as an adult, and do not ride it very well.  Yet,  I am caught up in the "draft" of the tour because of it's parallel to life.  Even if you settle into the "peloton" and move along with the mass, it requires focus and multi-tasking.  It requires team-work, trust, and there are different roles in the team, as does your support network (family and friends).  It is impressive to see cyclists tackling each stage, juggling the many tasks whether it be grabbing the musettes to feed, or doing some minor mechanical adjustments, or answering the calls of nature,  all while pedaling at the speed of a motorized vehicle.  Analogous to life, the stages can be like a roller coaster, from the climbs of the Pyrenees and the Alps to the flat stages, and everything in between.  Along the way, we have to learn to negotiate the turns, weather the storms, and may be caught in a crash (there have been some spectacular and unfortunate crashes a week into the tour)  hit pavement and get scratched up, but we get up, continue the "chase" to avoid getting "dropped";  positioning yourself in the "slipstream", prepare to "attack", and "catch" the "breakaway".  Only one can have the coveted maillot jaune (yellow jersey)  riding into Paris, but to be "field fodder" (defined in Jamie Smith's book) is okay, it means you participated.  Life, like the Tour, is cumulative of the results of each stage.  Unlike it, le Tour de Life doesn't end in three weeks, the "race" continues.

amidst the interim

I will be the first to proclaim that I'm the least tech savvy person I know.  Whether it be to conveniently blame it on the absence of a computer due to viruses for some weeks (of which a friend was able to resolve in no time and I'm grateful for), or general laziness, lethargy due to hot weather...whatever the excuse, the writing hiatus is over, for now.  I only wish the same could transcend into "mental thoughts".  The only intermission from the daily trials was feeling like I had a "breakthrough moment".  It only but takes one trigger, one hesitation, one temptation, to negate progress.  I'm aware of my fragile resolve.

As for leisure time and general distractions, some enameling, some knitting , some jewelry making..
"Rainbow in Someone's Cloud- Maya Angelou" is a cloisonne enameling project started while taking classes at Liloveve.  I was able to finish firing at home with my recently acquired kiln.

one of final layers, drying on top of kiln before going in

piece through window, firing in kiln

fully fused and fired, cleaned, waiting to be set in a bezel and finished

Using the same enamel colors, this is a different version of the same idea.

set in silver bezel

back of the piece before it was set

Gifted pieces:

On the fiber side, Susan B. Anderson's Curly Snake was finished just in time for nephew's sixth birthday, my version is not curly.

snake in a knot

I also had the honor of test knitting Mao by Angela Tong.  A well written pattern for a super quick knit, don't be surprised if you end up with a litter of these.

my attempt to imitate her pictures

David Carradine said, "If you cannot be a poet, be the poem".  Quotes are my endorphins, they inspire, acknowledge, and assuage rough moments.  I had the idea to create Message Bubbles, some to wear, as an antidote when "sadness" creeps in.

stacked, may be worn as pendant

Akin my knitting, life is a WIP, all aspects, every moment...

eulogy to ME.

For five years, my summer starts and ends with a trip to Maine, this year marks the death of that tradition.  There are many places and sites of which I will no longer visit nor see and will sorely miss.  Through a pictorial, I want to pay homage to a place that I've endeared myself and will file away as part of my history.






the view that awaits and greets every time

 

the many walks in the woods



 milkweed



looking at kezar atop sabattus

 

kezar lake integral to every visit but i still swim like a rock




kezar lake with glorious colors

 



mt. washington in the back from one of many memorable hikes



closer view of mt.wash with snow



scat, closest ever to elusive moose sighting



moose tracks in snow covered trail



developed a liking to the quintessential soft-drink;
good name for my dog if i should adopt one



trip commences with ogunquit beach

 A slim portrayal of the vistas and limited selection of the places that was a usual part of the agenda. Thank you Maine for all the fond memories!



The paradoxical truth, the best and worst thing about life is change.  With every "death", there are new beginnings.  Hope and fear can paralyze, but also mobilize and motivate.  I hate feeling like I'm holding on to "emotions"  beyond it's natural span of life.  My feelings are ever evolving though.  I'm starting to feel like I can denounce the anger and resentment.  I may not be able to control how I feel, but can control what I do with how I feel.  Disowning this negativity will not allow it to rule me or my actions.  The "sadness" exists and probably always will, but I can choose to be optimistic! 


new endeavors

No MLB, no PGA, no NBA, and what I'd grown fond of last year, no cycling for the upcoming Giro.  I never thought I would be saying this, but sometimes I miss that familiar "background noise" of sports on TV.

There is still anger and sadness, not easy to forget with physical reminders often.  I know my anger and negativity reduces my own character and it probably paints an ugly portrait of myself.  If this shortcoming can alleviate the repugnant feelings, this "ugly label"  would be something I can live with.  Unfortunately, it does nothing more than entrap me in a vicious cycle of self-loathing for "this" emotional anger to have the power to change the person I am.

Despite it all, I'm trudging along.  I'm proud to have finally finished a first sweater for myself, Metro by Connie Chinchio.  It fulfills my tall order of liking it and actually have worn in public!  It helps that I can't stop petting the cashmere.

It is finally getting too warm to wear now, but it will be in wardrobe rotation come Autumn/Winter.

My new endeavors include glass bead making workshop at Hudson Beach Glass.   Since I was only able to take the workshop for one day this time, my focus was to practice making blossoms.  The beads have yet to be applied in a practical way.

The conflict in schedule was due to my enamel classes at Liloeve.  I'm really loving this medium because of the potential and infinite possibilities.  These are just test samples and techniques explored in class.

The two crafts are related in that enameling is nothing more than fusing powdered glass to metal.  These endeavors not only help in my growth of new skills, but at the same time it is "healing".  The schedule and commitment keeps me busy, distracted, and something to focus on.  I'm looking forward to exploring the media on my own!

HOPE personified

"Disgust" is part of the daily workweek agenda.  Incompetence, among other perverse characteristics,  partnered with a prickly personality, is offensive, that unfortunately is also a reality.  The quince branch is a good visual parallel to this feeling. 



quince branch

 The blossoms are visually close to plum, cherry... but the thorns are what sets it apart.  Aside from other symbolism, the possible "prick and puncture" threatens  from a distance never "safe" enough.  I like the quince, so comparing it to "an alien species" posing as homo sapiens, is in no way disrespecting my newfound fondness for this plant.

Privately, it has been a week of much reminiscing and really missing.  From everything everyday to less than nothing, is still difficult.  Feigning an indifference to the "physical presence" isn't easy, but it's not anything I can, or choose to engage in especially when it's someone I can no longer respect.   This doesn't change the crying in the darkness, the profound sadness, emptiness, and loneliness.  The weather is getting warmer, days longer and can't help but reflect on the flurry of activities last year at this time.  I "miss" all those things, and all that never will be.  I feel the pressure of just "getting over it", not that I should care to be judged, but I still feel "the loss", despite what has transpired. 

Despite this continual mourning,  I need to cling on to HOPE.  I/ things will never be the same, but I will go on, and "good" is possible and will emerge from all this.  Things will get better and all this shall pass.  I've been self-indulgent and made this cuff/bracelet for myself, serves as a reminder to this belief and HOPE personified in a tangible object.  Emily Dickinson's poem Hope Is the Thing With Feathers, is stamped on it.

concept to fruition



2 "feathers" pierced and stamped



pieces are formed

cuff completed, patina applied

front of cuff

back of cuff

cuff on

cruelty is not contagious

Cruelty is not contagious, neither is evil.  This is only comforting because it is truth.  "Truth", however doesn't prevent normal human response.  Confined in an environment, caught in a moment, no matter how brief or random, is infuriating.  Having to use anything WTDW vacates is nauseating.  No disinfectant is potent enough to eliminate this perceived contamination.  I thought constant exposure is supposed to desensitize.  Am I not supposed to be beneath the contempt?  I can't help it if an evil imp is permanently perched on an individual's shoulder.  I know I still have a lot of work ahead of me, not only on containing this rage.  Venom is lethal only if I allow it to get the better of me and my reaction will only reduce my own character.  My redemptive quality may be that I recognize this about myself, not anything to be proud of, nor does it make it any easier.  Calm always follows, latter part of the week.  But searing memories that wreck havoc on the emotional state never fail on this day.  It's a perpetual roller coaster.  I don't know how I'm to feel, not feel, appropriate or not, right or wrong, but whatever "it" is, I just do.

I don't think I've been as productive as I could have been the last two weeks.  I can't allow myself too much time to be idle because of the fear of falling into a funk, and the feared D word.  I took last week off from my bench, only to put together these earrings for a belated gift. 



HOPE er




knit, purl er

 I can't decide which she would prefer, so perhaps she'll get both.

There is most progress knitting my sweater, Metro by Connie Chang Chinchio



current WIP

 Using the luscious cashmere facilitates its progress.  Yes, a finished sweater for me, a knitting goal, resolution going on two years strong!  Finished sweater is within reach, liking the finished garment, yet to be determined.

I received this in the mail two days ago from JMH.

front of magnetic bookmark



other side of bookmark

 Despite all the heaviness on her mind, she sent this to me because of the imagery of the bird and the "seeker".  Her thoughtfulness and message is well received.  At this moment, I choose to adopt her optimism.  I will continue on my journey to "seek", as I believe I have much more to discover, mostly myself.

{this moment} a year ago today

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Participating in SouleMama's {this moment}

This is a cheat, technically a moment that captures the essence of a year ago today, but the symbolism and the significance of "today" no more.