Friday, February 11, 2011

for every twilight, a dawn

"For every twilight, there's a dawn"- this line is from one of Ralph Waldo Emerson's poems.

"for every twilight, a dawn"  rendering

plum blossoms

another possibility

I'm not certain how this piece will ultimately look like, but this is the inspiration and the launch of a potential idea.  Plum blossoms, I definitely want to incorporate.  They symbolize perseverance and resilience in the face of adversity, courage and strength, flowers "daring" to bloom in late winter.  They are a symbol of spring, hope, and new beginnings.

Despite what I want to believe in, I still have a hard time managing my emotions.  I'm so afraid of becoming angry and bitter.  There isn't a neutral environment.  The most prominent, whether it be professional or personal, provides no refuge.  It's difficult to not succumb to the intensity of what seems to be a vicious cycle.  I seethe with hate/anger with every chance encounter.  When she speaks  "it barks" (not so subtle implication), I just want to scream, "if there is justice, someone would muzzle "it", the voice noise grates my ears.  I get so mad at myself for reacting.  Sometimes it feels like such a lonely road, why would others want to interact/talk to that?  Why is it that I find it so revolting? Why am I so affected?  Is there something wrong with me?  I remind myself constantly that I can only control how I react.  I'm only human.  I need to forgive myself when I do lash out, even if I know it's inappropriate.  I know every outburst is just a manifestation of the pain inside.

Oprah said one of her favorite definitions of Forgiveness is, "giving up the hope that the past would've been any different".  I accept that "the past" can't be any different, and no longer "hope" for it to be.  But, things shouldn't/didn't have to be this way.  I can never forget,  foreseeing forgiveness remains elusive, but does it mean that until I do, there's no "letting go"?  I'm not just convincing myself, but I am truly working on it.  I knew this was going to be a hard month, so when February is behind me, so will "many more firsts".  I am channeling this energy into creating, so if I can only channel the spirit of the plum blossoms, I will "bloom" come dawn!


  1. As an avid reader of your blog, I have to say this is the best blog post yet. I think it is normal for you to feel what you feel. Anyway, I won't dwell on the negatives, your piece looks really nice! Can't wait to see the finished piece. I especially like the hand drawn art :)

  2. This is going to be gorgeous!