To borrow the words of Steve Jobs, maybe I will someday be able to connect the dots looking backward. Otherwise, where or how to start? I'm not only at a "loss" in life, but in words. How can I possibly articulate the summation of the past year, in particular, the latter part of the year, leading to the most recent account of events? Ironically, same time this year, I find myself in a similar circumstance. I'm not qualified to fully understand nor question why, or make sense of what is. I know the decisions and behavior are manisfestations of "distractions" in dealing with the deeper and "real issues". I know what was and what is no longer. This time, all the options are eliminated. This is perhaps my biggest "gift".
As invasive and violating as it may be to discover your home burglarized, and to lose your most valuable possessions amassed over a dozen years of hard work, yet all these are material. There are matters of which there is no price.
I have come full circle with my emotional and rational threshold. It is up to me to come to terms with what I cannot control. Yet, I still have a choice, the decision to move on, let go, and look forward to the "good" blocked by all the "bad" I was grasping onto.
I am not the most insightful, and mediocre at best, with words. But, the vision of this endeavor remains, as neglected as it may seem. The direction is not firm, but I hope for it to be inspiring and to remain positive. This is perhaps my "milestone moment" of which awaits. I am learning to set goals for myself, some of which are concrete and tangible though minute in scope. I am learning to think of myself first, at least try to in most instances. I will learn to discover joy and happiness within. I am learning to embrace change. I have learnt, it's time to move forward...