Friday, March 4, 2011

cruelty is not contagious

Cruelty is not contagious, neither is evil.  This is only comforting because it is truth.  "Truth", however doesn't prevent normal human response.  Confined in an environment, caught in a moment, no matter how brief or random, is infuriating.  Having to use anything WTDW vacates is nauseating.  No disinfectant is potent enough to eliminate this perceived contamination.  I thought constant exposure is supposed to desensitize.  Am I not supposed to be beneath the contempt?  I can't help it if an evil imp is permanently perched on an individual's shoulder.  I know I still have a lot of work ahead of me, not only on containing this rage.  Venom is lethal only if I allow it to get the better of me and my reaction will only reduce my own character.  My redemptive quality may be that I recognize this about myself, not anything to be proud of, nor does it make it any easier.  Calm always follows, latter part of the week.  But searing memories that wreck havoc on the emotional state never fail on this day.  It's a perpetual roller coaster.  I don't know how I'm to feel, not feel, appropriate or not, right or wrong, but whatever "it" is, I just do.

I don't think I've been as productive as I could have been the last two weeks.  I can't allow myself too much time to be idle because of the fear of falling into a funk, and the feared D word.  I took last week off from my bench, only to put together these earrings for a belated gift. 


knit, purl er
 I can't decide which she would prefer, so perhaps she'll get both.

There is most progress knitting my sweater, Metro by Connie Chang Chinchio

current WIP
 Using the luscious cashmere facilitates its progress.  Yes, a finished sweater for me, a knitting goal, resolution going on two years strong!  Finished sweater is within reach, liking the finished garment, yet to be determined.

I received this in the mail two days ago from JMH.

front of magnetic bookmark

other side of bookmark
 Despite all the heaviness on her mind, she sent this to me because of the imagery of the bird and the "seeker".  Her thoughtfulness and message is well received.  At this moment, I choose to adopt her optimism.  I will continue on my journey to "seek", as I believe I have much more to discover, mostly myself.

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