Friday, March 11, 2011

HOPE personified

"Disgust" is part of the daily workweek agenda.  Incompetence, among other perverse characteristics,  partnered with a prickly personality, is offensive, that unfortunately is also a reality.  The quince branch is a good visual parallel to this feeling. 

quince branch
 The blossoms are visually close to plum, cherry... but the thorns are what sets it apart.  Aside from other symbolism, the possible "prick and puncture" threatens  from a distance never "safe" enough.  I like the quince, so comparing it to "an alien species" posing as homo sapiens, is in no way disrespecting my newfound fondness for this plant.

Privately, it has been a week of much reminiscing and really missing.  From everything everyday to less than nothing, is still difficult.  Feigning an indifference to the "physical presence" isn't easy, but it's not anything I can, or choose to engage in especially when it's someone I can no longer respect.   This doesn't change the crying in the darkness, the profound sadness, emptiness, and loneliness.  The weather is getting warmer, days longer and can't help but reflect on the flurry of activities last year at this time.  I "miss" all those things, and all that never will be.  I feel the pressure of just "getting over it", not that I should care to be judged, but I still feel "the loss", despite what has transpired. 

Despite this continual mourning,  I need to cling on to HOPE.  I/ things will never be the same, but I will go on, and "good" is possible and will emerge from all this.  Things will get better and all this shall pass.  I've been self-indulgent and made this cuff/bracelet for myself, serves as a reminder to this belief and HOPE personified in a tangible object.  Emily Dickinson's poem Hope Is the Thing With Feathers, is stamped on it.
concept to fruition

2 "feathers" pierced and stamped

pieces are formed
cuff completed, patina applied
front of cuff

back of cuff
cuff on

Friday, March 4, 2011

cruelty is not contagious

Cruelty is not contagious, neither is evil.  This is only comforting because it is truth.  "Truth", however doesn't prevent normal human response.  Confined in an environment, caught in a moment, no matter how brief or random, is infuriating.  Having to use anything WTDW vacates is nauseating.  No disinfectant is potent enough to eliminate this perceived contamination.  I thought constant exposure is supposed to desensitize.  Am I not supposed to be beneath the contempt?  I can't help it if an evil imp is permanently perched on an individual's shoulder.  I know I still have a lot of work ahead of me, not only on containing this rage.  Venom is lethal only if I allow it to get the better of me and my reaction will only reduce my own character.  My redemptive quality may be that I recognize this about myself, not anything to be proud of, nor does it make it any easier.  Calm always follows, latter part of the week.  But searing memories that wreck havoc on the emotional state never fail on this day.  It's a perpetual roller coaster.  I don't know how I'm to feel, not feel, appropriate or not, right or wrong, but whatever "it" is, I just do.

I don't think I've been as productive as I could have been the last two weeks.  I can't allow myself too much time to be idle because of the fear of falling into a funk, and the feared D word.  I took last week off from my bench, only to put together these earrings for a belated gift. 


knit, purl er
 I can't decide which she would prefer, so perhaps she'll get both.

There is most progress knitting my sweater, Metro by Connie Chang Chinchio

current WIP
 Using the luscious cashmere facilitates its progress.  Yes, a finished sweater for me, a knitting goal, resolution going on two years strong!  Finished sweater is within reach, liking the finished garment, yet to be determined.

I received this in the mail two days ago from JMH.

front of magnetic bookmark

other side of bookmark
 Despite all the heaviness on her mind, she sent this to me because of the imagery of the bird and the "seeker".  Her thoughtfulness and message is well received.  At this moment, I choose to adopt her optimism.  I will continue on my journey to "seek", as I believe I have much more to discover, mostly myself.